Myself, By Myself or Each Other?
Reflexive pronouns: show who acts, who receives the action and who helps.
Created by Denis M., British English teacher.
Your goal: Choose reflexive and reciprocal pronouns accurately, and distinguish emphasis from being alone or working without help.
Read, try each short Say it task aloud, then compare with a model. Finish with the mastery quiz.
Use the lesson together. Pause at each Say it task for a brief exchange, then continue to the mastery quiz.
1. The action comes back to the same person
Two different people
Maya taught her to swim.
In this meaning, Maya taught another girl or woman.
The same person
Maya taught herself to swim.
Maya was both the learner and the person doing the teaching.
Use a reflexive pronoun when the subject and object refer to the same person or thing: I introduced myself. The cat washed itself.
| Subject | Reflexive pronoun |
|---|---|
| I | myself |
| you, one person | yourself |
| he / she / it | himself / herself / itself |
| we | ourselves |
| you, more than one person | yourselves |
| they | themselves |
A useful expression
Enjoy yourself! means have a good time when you speak to one person. To several people, say Enjoy yourselves!
Listen: self, alone or together?
Decide whether the speaker describes an action directed at the same person, something done without help, or an action between people.
Amanda · American English. By myself can mean alone or without help. Use the context to decide.
Model transcript and listening guidance
Three uses of myself: I taught myself to draw. I built this small desk myself. I did not buy it. Yesterday I worked by myself because everyone else was away.
Ourselves or each other?: We introduced ourselves to the group. Then we asked each other questions. We helped each other with the activity. At the end, we were pleased with ourselves.
Listening guidance: Taught myself names the same person as learner and teacher. Built it myself emphasises who did the work. By myself can describe being alone. Helped each other describes reciprocal help.
2. Emphasise who did it
I built this desk myself.
Here, myself emphasises that I did the work. It is not the object: the desk is the thing I built. The sentence I built this desk is still complete without myself.
Emphasis after the action
“The director answered the phone herself.”
The director personally answered, perhaps unexpectedly.
Emphasis beside the subject
“The director herself answered the phone.”
This also highlights the director’s personal involvement.
Compare: “I introduced myself” needs myself to say who I introduced. “I prepared the slides myself” is complete without myself; the extra word adds emphasis.
Use the ordinary subject pronoun as the subject: I prepared the slides. Avoid Myself prepared the slides in standard English.
Explain the difference
“She photographed herself” means she is the person in the photograph. “She photographed the garden herself” means she personally took the photograph.
3. By myself: alone or without help
| Sentence | Likely meaning |
|---|---|
| I sat in the café by myself. Nobody joined me. | I was alone. |
| I fixed the shelf by myself. Nobody helped me. | I did it without help. |
| I fixed the shelf myself. I did not hire anyone. | I personally did the work. |
By + reflexive pronoun can describe being alone or doing something without help. The context supplies the intended meaning. Doing something without help does not always mean nobody else is in the room.
You do not need a reflexive with every everyday action. Normally say I got dressed, I washed or I relaxed. Add a reflexive when the verb and meaning need one, or when a contrast matters: The child can dress herself now.
Avoid a false polite form
“Please contact me” is the normal request. “Please contact myself” does not become more polite because it uses a longer pronoun. The person doing the contacting is you, so the ordinary object me is appropriate.
4. Ourselves or each other?
An action directed at ourselves
We introduced ourselves.
Each of us said who we were. The object points back to us.
An action between people
We introduced each other.
I introduced you, and you introduced me.
Each other and one another express reciprocal actions, actions going between people: The students helped each other. Both expressions can refer to more than two people.
| Meaning | Sentence |
|---|---|
| Each person looks at their own reflection. | They look at themselves in the mirror. |
| They look from one person to the other. | They look at each other. |
| We do the task without outside help. | We do it by ourselves. |
Three questions: Does the action return to the subject? Is the word adding emphasis? Or does the action go between different people?
Try it, then check
“The two learners exchanged questions. They asked ___ questions.”
Each other. Each learner directed questions to the other learner.
Repair and explain
Try each repair aloud or in writing before opening the answer.
Repair the reflexive: “She taught himself to paint.”
Check the repair
She taught herself to paint.
The reflexive must refer to the same person as she.
Repair the subject: “Myself made the poster.”
Check the repair
I made the poster myself.
I is the subject. Myself can add emphasis after the object.
Two friends exchanged messages. Repair the meaning: “They sent themselves messages.”
Check the repair
They sent each other messages.
Each other expresses messages going from one friend to the other. Themselves would point the action back to the senders.
Mastery quiz
Choose one answer for each question. Check your answers, read the explanations, then retry any you missed.
Full answer key with explanations
- herself. Herself refers back to Maya as both learner and teacher.
- yourselves. Yourselves addresses more than one person.
- Emphasis on who made it. It emphasises that I personally made the cake.
- I designed the poster myself. I is the subject; myself adds emphasis.
- alone. The context explicitly says nobody joined the speaker.
- No. Here by myself means without help, even though another person was present.
- each other. Each other describes questions going between the learners.
- themselves. The action points back to the same people, so themselves fits.
- Please contact me. Me is the ordinary object. The understood subject you is a different person.
- Yes. Each other and one another can both refer to more than two people.
Put it into practice
Write or record a five-sentence account of preparing a class activity. Include a true reflexive action, emphasis, by ourselves with clear context, and a reciprocal action with each other.
Self-check: For every reflexive, identify the subject it refers to. For each other, explain which actions go between people. Make the meaning of by ourselves explicit.
Together: Your tutor asks one follow-up question. Answer it, then improve one of your sentences.
Compare with a model
We introduced ourselves to the new group. I prepared the picture cards myself. We arranged the room by ourselves because nobody else was available to help. Then we asked each other questions. We were pleased with ourselves at the end.